So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i will never coherently bang her
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize