You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i came on her dog
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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