I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
