and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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