i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
