Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize