I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
