Christians are straight up FREAKS
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
