i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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