you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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