Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
