Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
