mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
