He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize