how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
