just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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