Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize