Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
