Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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