i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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