I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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