If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
