I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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