Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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