Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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