I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
