You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
