My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My penis needs a shock collar
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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