Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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