There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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