smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
