Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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