I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
