he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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