quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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