youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
