It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
