yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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