Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
