I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
