So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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