whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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