you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
