Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
