I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
