Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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