the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
