Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm always down for nudity.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
