You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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