u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i permit you to call me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
