sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
