Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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