Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
