WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize