Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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