proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
