I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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