First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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