If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
