Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize