Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
