Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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