all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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