His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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