All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
