You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
