Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
