We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize