I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
