my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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