Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
