You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need a beard to bite.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
