I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
