I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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