would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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