I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
