Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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