True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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