wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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