this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
