You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
