Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize