Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
