you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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