shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
