Screwed.edu
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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