Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
