Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
