Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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