Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
