I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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