Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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