I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
