Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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