you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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