I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
