i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
