3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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