I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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