just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
