Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
