I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
