remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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