This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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